I could always keep a good poker face... Consistently
Amidst many a saga caused by the psychotic, drug fucked men that the women in my family were drawn to...
Nights when i was woken by a mother in distress and had to comfort her through the end of an acid trip she'd unknowingly eaten on the word of her fuckwit boyfriend who told her it was ecstasy.
I listened, I heard... I tried to understand what was incomprehendable at that age.
The birthdays and Christmas' that were accompanied with an I.O.U. because it was either my gift or the outstanding electricity bill...
I never fussed and was happy that my small sacrifice would help my struggling mum and was something that my sisters "wouldn't understand"
I had a bond. I had a role to play...
The one who could understand financial hardship... who after all of the fallouts and numerous times my mum or sisters got fucked over... was always supportive of their decision to "give it another go"
The poker face. My role in the family was to remain calm.
So, what's the point of this spiel?
The point is...
After more than a decade of projecting rational thought and level headedness, despite your true feelings... It's only natural that when you seemingly out-of-nowhere do something completely unexplainable, those closest to you will desperately pin the blame anywhere but on you.
It's hard to accept or believe that the rock you've lent against so often when weak... is just as unstable as you are.
I'm in need of the same courtesy I've extended you on so many occasions...
Rather than break your boyfriend's nose at the front door after he left you in tears last night... I let him in.
Instead of hold a blade to your best friends throat after he borrowed thousands with no intentions of paying it back... I shook his hand... and trusted that you're smart enough to know what you're doing...
Because you wanted me to.
I eagerly await the cessation of implications that I've somehow been manipulated into this decision. The notion that I'm sitting on the cold end of a ventriloquist's arm is ludacris and more than insulting.
I'm in no position to ask you for a favor. So I'm not asking.
This is a demand that must be met or risk losing more than a couple hundred dollars.
Amidst many a saga caused by the psychotic, drug fucked men that the women in my family were drawn to...
Nights when i was woken by a mother in distress and had to comfort her through the end of an acid trip she'd unknowingly eaten on the word of her fuckwit boyfriend who told her it was ecstasy.
I listened, I heard... I tried to understand what was incomprehendable at that age.
The birthdays and Christmas' that were accompanied with an I.O.U. because it was either my gift or the outstanding electricity bill...
I never fussed and was happy that my small sacrifice would help my struggling mum and was something that my sisters "wouldn't understand"
I had a bond. I had a role to play...
The one who could understand financial hardship... who after all of the fallouts and numerous times my mum or sisters got fucked over... was always supportive of their decision to "give it another go"
The poker face. My role in the family was to remain calm.
So, what's the point of this spiel?
The point is...
After more than a decade of projecting rational thought and level headedness, despite your true feelings... It's only natural that when you seemingly out-of-nowhere do something completely unexplainable, those closest to you will desperately pin the blame anywhere but on you.
It's hard to accept or believe that the rock you've lent against so often when weak... is just as unstable as you are.
I'm in need of the same courtesy I've extended you on so many occasions...
Rather than break your boyfriend's nose at the front door after he left you in tears last night... I let him in.
Instead of hold a blade to your best friends throat after he borrowed thousands with no intentions of paying it back... I shook his hand... and trusted that you're smart enough to know what you're doing...
Because you wanted me to.
I eagerly await the cessation of implications that I've somehow been manipulated into this decision. The notion that I'm sitting on the cold end of a ventriloquist's arm is ludacris and more than insulting.
I'm in no position to ask you for a favor. So I'm not asking.
This is a demand that must be met or risk losing more than a couple hundred dollars.
2 comments:
Mr X's mother in no way thinks you're sitting on the end of a ventriloquist's arm. I'm not a idiot. I've read your letter. I also read Miss X's letter to Mr X's mother,unfortunately so did my sister, and I'm assuming a lot of other people we know have read it as well. I know I wasn't the best mum in the world, and I apologise that you had to go without.I wish it had been different, unfortunately the alternative was worse. I never walked away from you, not ever. When you really needed me I never let you down. You obviously don't know me well enough because I've always pinned the blame squarely on my shoulders. But we have situation, it needs to be fixed, my sister being worried about you is reading yours & Miss X's letters if there's any decency left in you please take them off. The internet is not the place to do this.
Do you want to hear that you've won? You've won. Please stop. As bad a mother that you think I am I truly don't deserve this. I find it hard to get through my head the hate you have for me. The money isn't an issue I lost something far more important to me last Tuesday. That is my son. I thought all my Karma had been repayed obviously I was wrong, this is bad, very, very bad. Can we stop now. You're entitled to your life, it's your time. I never had any intentions of standing in your way. I won't read your letters or try to contact you. Feelin pretty fucking shitty. I wish you love & happiness son.
I have no hate for you.
Only love...
I won't remove the posts because that isn't my intention for this page... if you didn't want your sister to read it... you shouldn't have given her the link...
Like i said... there's no hate...
Don't get the wrong idea.
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